I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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