Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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