Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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