Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
