I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
