Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
