I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
NoShamevember. You game?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
