maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
