i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
