just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
