Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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