wrigley field is MILF paradise
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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