i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
