My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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