We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
