i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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