my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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