the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
