I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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