Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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