I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think my moral compass just broke
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
