Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
