i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize