So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
