Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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