We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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