Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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