When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
