Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ketchup is God's man juice
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
