Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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