I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
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Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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