WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
