Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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