There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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