We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
