I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
