I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
