do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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