remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish you could order shots online.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize