he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
