i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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