I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
do herpes really smell.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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