wanna go halves on a baby?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
