Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
