She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
