God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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