Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize