Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
