Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
