she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
