and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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