We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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