the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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