I didn't shave. On purpose
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
