Whod you bang
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
