At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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