Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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