Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
