Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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