Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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