We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
