Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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