I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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