while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
