I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
