There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
