Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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