I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
