oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
