oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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