Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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