I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
