she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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