Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
