i just google imaged poop.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
